Coming out of the closet…

I bet you all are thinking that I was going to tell you that I am gay, right?  No, I am not going to tell you that, not that there is anything wrong with that, to quote Seinfeld.  There is absolutely not, but I am talking about something entirely different here.  I am talking about my face, which I have been hiding from you all using that worn out, stolen off Google images, avatar thing.  As you will note, the avatar is gone.  What you now see is the real me.  Go ahead.  Drink it in then shake off that stunned feeling!   It is even a very recent picture from July of this year, not something from, say, 20 years ago, which was tempting because I have a real stunner from 20 years ago.  This is the real face of OneHotMessage.  Considering everything I have put it through, as well as the rest of my body, it has held up quite nicely.  Perhaps all those years of drinking acted as a preservative and pickled me to some extent.  I guess that makes it all well worth it, right?  Saves on Botox, too, not that I would be inclined to use that unless I could afford it.  I do not frown much anyway, so I would more go for some sort of lift, but I digress.

That is water in the wine glass, just in case you were wondering 😉

When I began this blog, I was hiding.  I was not hiding from myself, but at the very first, I was hiding myself from family and friends.  Could people accept the real, authentic me, if they knew who I was??  I was not entirely sure that they could…  Then friends and family began to figure it out, which was an amusing period of time, I must say.  Every day or so, I would get a message on Facebook from a friend, “Hey Annie!!  Are you OneHotMessage??  I love you but I didn’t know it was you!!”  Like that, over and over again, people were figuring it out, and people were more than okay with me as me.  That left me hiding from my ex-husband and his family, most specifically, his current girlfriend.  They are relentless.  They found me months ago and have left many lovely, little calling cards which will never see the light of day, not on this page, anyway.

The other night, the one person I was hiding from went on a rampage all over Facebook-land while I slept.  She went from one inspirational page to another to another to another posting rubbish about me, using my full, real name, and the name of my first husband.  I like my first husband!  He has been very good to me.  We had me over last Thanksgiving when my little boy was with his father.  He sends me Omaha Steak gift packs at Christmas.  He even took in my little boy while I was in prison.  If he has never said, “I am sorry for all of what I put you through during our marriage,” he really does not need to anymore.  His actions speak way louder than words and I am good with that.

Anyway, a huge line had been crossed, and behavior I was ignoring could not be ignored anymore.  Do not mess with my Facebook page owner peeps!  Those peeps are my friends, and they had my back in a huge and amazing way, all while I slept.  It is comforting to know that people all around the globe are looking out for me so that I can sleep soundly at night.  I love my Facebook page owner peeps a lot!  Don’t you dare be all up in their grill, or I might have to be all up in your grill….that’s probably a line from a movie, but it fits.  So, I called the police, because Facebook could really care less if someone is stalking you and harassing you, and amazingly, the sheriff that I spoke with did care!  And he did take some action! ” Wow”, I said to myself.  Yes, I do talk to myself.  You may as well know that about me, too.

After I got all the documentation to the police department, I was rather worn out, so I took the night off from thinking.  Today, I turned my brain back on and a comment a friend had made to me kept ringing in my ears.  At my age, that could be almost anything, so I dismissed until this evening, when it was quiet, and I could be certain it was not sudden onset damage from too much vacuuming.  The comment was this, “See how much power you still give her, even though you ignore her?”  Her, being the not-so-sweet-girlfriend.  Yup.  I see.  I totally see that as clear as day now and I am not giving her another drop of my power, and baby, I ain’t hiding from anyone ever again!  (Unless, it is like some deranged ax murder that pops out of the bushes down here, or some creditor from my less than stellar financial past. )  I have been to prison and survived!  I am a prison chick now.  Ain’t nobody gonna scare me off from being me, or showing my face anymore.   Fo Shizzle, as one of my kids might say.

So, this is me and I love me.  My name is Ann LeSuer.  I am a real person who is well-loved by many and who is afraid of no one, except for the aforementioned collections people, but I really do not have much to fret over in that department now, either.  Another friend told me yesterday that I need to show my sense of humor more on my blog.  Apparently I am a riot.  It is hard to be a riot and talk about really deep and serious issues, but I will give that a go, too.  She said my sense of humor was “pure fold.”  I had absolutely no idea what she was talking about until she corrected herself.  “Pure gold,” she said.  That is my life in a nutshell.   Loving, caring, accepting, friends far and wide, family, God, everything.  I have got the full meal deal and it is pure gold.  Here I am now looking out at all of you with my own face, through my own 53-year-old eyes, and you are all pure gold, too!

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34 thoughts on “Coming out of the closet…

  1. Woohoo! I’m sure it feels like a huge weight has been lifted. I have never hidden myself. Call it stubborn ignorance, but maybe that’s why I never receive anonymous comments from jabbering fools who want to spread lies about me. You’re beautiful! Almost exactly as I envisioned you in my mind. 🙂

    • Yes, Paula, it does, indeed. I think your ways if probably wiser, but I tend to take my time with certain things…the slow reveal, you know 😉 Gotta have that air of mystery! As for jabbering fools, I just have the one, who may be silenced by now, or quite soon 😉 Thank you for the kind words, too!

  2. I suspect it wasn’t easy reporting the girlfriend to authorities, I understand that as best I can, and am glad you found the courage to ask for help to reinforce your boundaries. You are beautiful and strong, I can see that, perhaps not how you yet see yourself, but are aiming for.

    • Andrea, going to the police was easier than you might have imagined. This has been long, and ongoing, and I have called the cops before, but they did not take it seriously, and FB was a complete fail. The escalation in her stalking and harassing behavior, that and the use of my name, upped the ante, and the police had to take notice. My perception of myself and beautiful and strong gets gets more firmly cemented each day, but I reckon I still have a ways to go! Thank you!

  3. Annie! Looks like we are coming out together, switching things up. I’m glad your Facebook friends were there to watch over you as you slept. That is a comfort. And I’m so glad to see you surrounded by the people that you love. And who love you. I think it’s time to emphasize the message and leave the mess behind. You are lovely. I’d love to read your funny stuff. 😉

  4. Todd, mean people do suck. That is why I chose not to play in the same sandbox with them. There are too many beautiful people in my life to love and cherish. I will not allow my view of them to be obscured by one meany anymore! Thank you!

  5. I removed myself from Facebook some time ago. There is a lot of crime, defamation, animal abuse, and slander on this site. I consider Facebook addictive to those who are prone to addiction, obsessive to those who are prone to obsession, and offers me nothing in the way of serenity.
    Serenity for me, means the continued growing of a strong relationship with myself. ” If you are pained by any external thing, look to yourself for release from it. When circumstances cause you to be disturbed, return to yourself quickly; do not remain out of tune with the Universal
    Good. (One Day At a Time in Al Anon) p 162

  6. Facebook causes me anxiety. It promotes the feeling “Will I get a response, I am not getting a response, What did I do, Did I write something wrong, etc. I decided to take up drawing and reading classic short stories to relax me. It is difficult to cut out from technology altogether, but I bring art, nature walks, writing, music, and reading the works of famous authors of the past era to relax my mind. I just read The Stoker by Franz Kafka. Left me with a lot of food for thought. Then I went and spent two hours drawing. It takes me time to wind down, but the peace I gain is mine.

    • Livvy, your comments gave me a lot of food for thought! You are correct in much of what you say, even if my personal friends are kind and gentle people, and the people on my page are much the same, there is too much tolerance for all that is wrong in the world. I am taking a giant step back and it feels lovely. My bed is stacked with books and I have plenty of knitting to do so I have hats to donate at Christmas. Facebook will be just fine with less of me. Thank you!

  7. Hey sweet Annie! You are beautiful lady! Inside and out. I applaud you for standing up and speaking what’s on your heart. For someone to stoop so low as to try to put another person down as this person did to you, only proves that they have issues of their own. So I say, you go girl!!! Hugs, love and blessings to you! I am happy and blessed to know you.

    • Thank you so much, Penny. Yes, she does have her own issues and as long as she keeps them to herself, I am fine. I have very happy and blessed to know you, too! Be are a blessing to me! Xoxoxo

      • There is such a thing as “over thank”?…hmmm, I’ve got an idea…just keep on doing it…hahaha.

        I appreciate you taking the time to comment..hope you enjoy the weekend.

        Be encouraged!

    • Thank you so much, Denise. I don’t feel like I am either, but I know it is true. I just do what I have got to do and keep moving forward! It is lovely to be “out.” 😉

  8. Your friend is correct; your wit is pure g(f)old…lol. Entertaining read from a brave woman! Congrats to you and your take no BS stance!! I, not quite as bold or as courageous, prefer to live behind the veil of the ever present gravatar. Cheers to you!! I’m going to put you on my blogroll, i think we need to spread around your “pick yourself up and dust yourself off” attitude 🙂
    http://cheatbuster.wordpress.com/ is my blog, drop on by from time to time.

  9. Cheatbuster, I have long been subscribed to your blog and I love it! For some, avatars are necessary and the right and safe choice. That is where I was when I started, but I am grateful to be out of hiding! Thank you so much for your congrats and support!

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